Hurt, Pain, Anger and Forgiveness.

So Darling, Iv'e been wanting to talk to you for a long time, but I couldn't. Therefore, I hope you read this and understand it without misunderstanding it, okie?

Firstly, what am I to you? Am I your little baby girl? Am I your bestest best friend? Am I just a friend? Or am I a bitch, (like you said I was)? Because to me, you are the boy I love, the one I wanna marry one day, the bestest best friend I have, the one who knows all my secrets, the one whom I pray for every night, the one I think about all the time, the one I risk loads of things for, the cute guy, the wierdo person, the nerd, the geek, and the assy. You are all that and more to me, and yes, i know it sounds all cliche and stuff, but Im only telling you the truth. 

                                               

Maybe I was just stupid to have stayed. You 'cheated' since the beginning, first it was with them behind your computer screen, then it was the crush you had on your 'friend', and now its a girl you like. I really just don't know what to do anymore, you know? I'm tired of crying myself to sleep. It just hurts. It hurts a lot. But you probably don't care anymore, do you? You probably think of me as 'that stupid ugly clingy bitch', right? Maybe its just a one sided thing, you not caring anymore, but me still having feelings? What do you want me to do so you can see it? Maybe I should start self-harming again, doing stupid things hoping to have a pain more painful than this as to numb out this hurt. Or maybe the water is a good thing, maybe I'd get cancer from it and die, then it wouldn't be like this anymore. Because, asshole, I fucking love you, and I really hope you see it.

Its been 28 months. 28 hard months. Have I wasted this 2 years of my life? Or are they the beginning of something? The beginning of a future? A future together?

TBH, Assy, I don't like you. I don't have a crush on you anymore. And I surely don't think that everything you do is cute and adorable. BUT, I FRIGGIN LOVE YOU, DARLING ASSHOLE. True that I don't like or crush on you, but that's because I loves you. And of course, you can be annoying (those little stupid fights)  and disgusting (remember the green snot bubble? you thought I would find that cute). But if i just liked you, I would have left, when you told me bout 'it', I would have left if I didn't really love you. But I do, and I stayed. There's only so much I could/can take, but every time, I pushed my limits for you, because I loved you. And because I still do, I'm currently doing that once again.

Remember what we agreed upon? To just wait and see? To keep that part of our lives quiet for now. To stop looking for relationships, or finding sneaky ways to do stuff. I hope you remember all that. Because I do, and the only guys whom I currently receive kisses from and think are cute, are little babies. They aren't even guys actually, just innocent cute little babies. *Maternal instincts have not kicked in early :P *

Owh well, just know that I love you alot, and that I always pray for you,  your family, and sometimes about us every night before I sleep. And I love you, even though I hate you. And I feel like punching you, yet i also feel like hugging you so tight till you loose your sense of balance and fall over, and then i wanna kiss your pretty hair. :) And I really hope I'm more than just a friend, assy.

The Truth. #1

     I saw you for the first time. And I thought, 'ew!'. I stayed away from you. Didn't bother to talk to you. Even pitied you. Made fun of a friend that liked you, "What on earth do you see in him?", I asked.  

     They had a sleepover. I could not go, I was grounded. So they were bored, and talked to you online. Then the phone call came. THAT phone call. "OhMiGosh!! You would never believe what happened. I think he likes you. He said you got a unique smile..." And you know the rest. Pretty face, I think you said too. They asked you who you like. "He likes you.", they said. I smiled to myself the entire day, not being able to concentrate on anything.
   
     I started talking to you. Bit by bit I fell for you. The first lie I told you was that I had a dream about you. It was never a dream, it was something I wanted badly to happen. But of course, I couldn't just go up to you and say, "I want you to take me for a date. Movies and dinner. You pay, and fetch me in your white car with the personalized number plate." Firstly, you had like what? Five years to go before you could drive legally. And you had no car, no white car, no personalized number plate. You made me forget all my other crushes. All the other tall, muscular boys. I had time to daydream about nothing, but you.
     
     We talked more. You tried to annoy me. I would never forget that Friday morning. You were being sarcastic about everything I said, and you stole my chair. You would not get off it, even when I poked you. Remember that? You thought it would annoy me. It did the opposite, little boy. Because that's when I fucking fell in love with you.

     A few weeks later, it was Valentine's Day. You called me aside to give a present. I walked towards you, wondering what it would be. My hopes were crushed what I saw you, because there was no little wrapped box with ribbons. You had nothing. But, I hid my disappointment and stood in front of you. You wrapped your arms around me and gave me a hug. You held me tight, and planted a little kiss on my head. I had never been happier. 
     
      It was then it officially began. You were everything. My whole world.

                                                       

Best Boyfriend Ever :)

So this is the amazing definition of my amazing boyfriend's name on some online dictionary..:)  (obviously written by me) XD

Most amazing guy in the entire world. He is super cute and adorable, considerate and kind. When he loves someone, he will love that someone whole-heartedly and give her the best of everything and will help her in everyway he can. That person becomes the most important and beautiful thing in his life and is willing to sacrifice anything for her. Can be really concerned and worried about her and will care alot about her, but she might find him a little annoying at times. He is a smart guy but also a adorable nerd and cute dork sometimes. He makes the best boyfriend ever. He has an awesome body that is nice to hug :)


You know the past few days, the hours we spent planning a future together, it really meant something to me, you know. I mean, how many guys your age sit and talk about how many cupboards to have in the kitchen? How many guys would talk about washing toilets and doing the dishes and the laundry. And what makes it even more special is the fact that we do not know for sure what will happen in the future, if we will even make it, considering the circumstances we now face. Its like, you have faith in me, in us. :) And that, that means alot to me. Me loves you so very much.

I love you  :)

Sorry, and Don't Give Up :)

Darling, I'm sorry for what i said, or rather, I'm sorry for not making myself clear enough and assuming you'd understand what I meant when I said that. Sorry. Anyway, I was scrolling down Facebook, feeling quite bad after I read your post, when I came across this, so, I'll put it up for you.

Well, Im really sorry about that. But the way you understood it was not the way I meant it. I kinda meant it, as at this point, I'll help you, and you dont have to worry about me, kinda thing. I thought you'd figure it out. Sowee.

 Anyway, here is a little something that would hopefully encourage you?



 Me loves you so very much :)

     Well, I know this post is a little short, but i basically just wanted to say im sorry. so yea, SORRYYYY!!

                                                                   Oh, and of course, I LOVE YOU, Darling. :)

Random Rambling Poem 1

Jesus Christ the center of our lives,

He who has rised,

In Him we trust,

By faith we walk,

The sands of time shall never stop,

As the sun sets into a tiny blot.

Love and peace the offspring of His grace,

In our hearts we try to place,

Pride and anger the paths of destruction,

Only He can offer salvation.

I'm no preacher of blind and ignorant faith,

Just another boy with simple faith,

Forgive me if I fail,

I'm also another who tries hard not to fail.

This proud and selfish heart,

The thing that sets me and Him apart,

Will I ever escape this trail?

Only time will tell the tale.

They say "When you're at the end of your rope, you're at the beginning of hope."

I certainly hope that is true,

Because my God!

How cruel can life be without You.

*All credits to my amazing boyfriend who wrote this poem while on his path of recovery, and still is on his path to recovery*

PS: Don't give up, littleboy, I know you can do it :) And im always here if you need me :)

PPS: I love youuuuuu! :)

PPPS: I miss youu!!

10 feelings you make me feel :)

#10.When I was a kid, I loved my teddy bear. But now you are the only teddy bear I love and want to hug for a lifetime. 
#9.If kisses were water I would give you the sea, if hugs were the leaves I would give you a tree, but if love was time, I would give you eternity.
#8.If raindrops were kisses, I could send you showers. if hugs were seas i send you oceans. And if love was a person id send you me!!
#7.Whenever I look into your eyes, I see a beautiful rainbow of the colors of your love which brightens each day of my life to make it yet another best day of my life.
#6.I love you more than yesterday, less than tomorrow.
#5.I sometimes think of you when you're away and smile away to myself. People think I'm nuts.
#4.You're not perfect, and I'll save you the suspense. I am not perfect either. but surely we're perfect for each other :P
#3.Before I met you I never knew what it was like; to look at someone and smile for no reason.
#2.To the world you are one person, but to one person you are the world (know who that person is?:))
#1.I love you. You know why? Because we fit so well together.. Its like the pieces of a puzzle, the way your hand fits the curve of my hip (and the way ''something else'' fits your hand perfectly), and the way my head can rest on your shoulder, the way our hands melt to one, and the way i feel complete when im with you.. Its like the puzzle is finally complete, and i never have to wonder what's missing:)

PS:To anyone who dares take my little boy away from me:

Roses are red

Violets are blue
He's for ME
NOT for you

If by chance

you take my place

I'll take my fist

and smash your face :)

*don't say i didn't warn you*



PS: well baby, I LOVE YOUUUUUUUU!!! :D

Happy Birthday:)

To my dearly beloved little boy;
Well, firstly , i want you to know that I LOVE YOU ALOTTTTTTTTTTTT! i really do:) and im sure you know that.
And also, i wanna say HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! and CONGRATZZZZ!!! on your gold medal.
Thanks for being an awesome boyfriend to me, i really appreciate it. And im sorry for all the times i treated you badly and said things to hurt you, yet you still forgave me and accepted me back. Sorry for all the sacrifices that you had to make for me, all the hard times i put you through, im sorry, baby. But thank you for forgiving me when i say sorry, thank you for taking me back in, thank you for making those sacrifices. I love you. And when we fought, thank you for saying, "Shut up. I love you.":) i still remember that:)
Honestly baby, thank you for EVERYTHING! all the memories(both good and bad), the help you gave, your love, time, patience, effort. Thanks for all that, and more.
Thank you for being my boyfriend, baby. I LOVE YOU!:D
Love isnt perfect, isnt a fairytale, or a scrapbook of happy moments, and it dosent always come easy. Love is overcomeing obstacles, facing challenges, fighting to be together, holding on, and never letting go. It is a short word, easy to spell, difficult to define, and impossible to live without. Love is work, but most of all, love is realizing that every hour, every minute, and every second of it was worth it, because we did it together! :) I love you:)
I love you, baby boy, i love you loadddddddssssssssss:)
And now you're a year cuter, a year older, a year smarter, a year nerdier:D. And you know what? im really proud of you:D you know that? that you've changed soo much since the first time we met, not changed in a bad way, but in a good way. Especially those two major points that you were struggling with before, youre on the path to overcoming it, and i know that you can do it:D And ill always be here if you need me:)And for you winning your competion, and getting a gold:) Makes me so proud to have you as my little boy:')
             ILOVEYOU!!