Hurt, Pain, Anger and Forgiveness.

So Darling, Iv'e been wanting to talk to you for a long time, but I couldn't. Therefore, I hope you read this and understand it without misunderstanding it, okie?

Firstly, what am I to you? Am I your little baby girl? Am I your bestest best friend? Am I just a friend? Or am I a bitch, (like you said I was)? Because to me, you are the boy I love, the one I wanna marry one day, the bestest best friend I have, the one who knows all my secrets, the one whom I pray for every night, the one I think about all the time, the one I risk loads of things for, the cute guy, the wierdo person, the nerd, the geek, and the assy. You are all that and more to me, and yes, i know it sounds all cliche and stuff, but Im only telling you the truth. 

                                               

Maybe I was just stupid to have stayed. You 'cheated' since the beginning, first it was with them behind your computer screen, then it was the crush you had on your 'friend', and now its a girl you like. I really just don't know what to do anymore, you know? I'm tired of crying myself to sleep. It just hurts. It hurts a lot. But you probably don't care anymore, do you? You probably think of me as 'that stupid ugly clingy bitch', right? Maybe its just a one sided thing, you not caring anymore, but me still having feelings? What do you want me to do so you can see it? Maybe I should start self-harming again, doing stupid things hoping to have a pain more painful than this as to numb out this hurt. Or maybe the water is a good thing, maybe I'd get cancer from it and die, then it wouldn't be like this anymore. Because, asshole, I fucking love you, and I really hope you see it.

Its been 28 months. 28 hard months. Have I wasted this 2 years of my life? Or are they the beginning of something? The beginning of a future? A future together?

TBH, Assy, I don't like you. I don't have a crush on you anymore. And I surely don't think that everything you do is cute and adorable. BUT, I FRIGGIN LOVE YOU, DARLING ASSHOLE. True that I don't like or crush on you, but that's because I loves you. And of course, you can be annoying (those little stupid fights)  and disgusting (remember the green snot bubble? you thought I would find that cute). But if i just liked you, I would have left, when you told me bout 'it', I would have left if I didn't really love you. But I do, and I stayed. There's only so much I could/can take, but every time, I pushed my limits for you, because I loved you. And because I still do, I'm currently doing that once again.

Remember what we agreed upon? To just wait and see? To keep that part of our lives quiet for now. To stop looking for relationships, or finding sneaky ways to do stuff. I hope you remember all that. Because I do, and the only guys whom I currently receive kisses from and think are cute, are little babies. They aren't even guys actually, just innocent cute little babies. *Maternal instincts have not kicked in early :P *

Owh well, just know that I love you alot, and that I always pray for you,  your family, and sometimes about us every night before I sleep. And I love you, even though I hate you. And I feel like punching you, yet i also feel like hugging you so tight till you loose your sense of balance and fall over, and then i wanna kiss your pretty hair. :) And I really hope I'm more than just a friend, assy.