Hey. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I hurt you. But honestly, I didn't do it on purpose. I didn't expect you to get angry like that. It was meant as a joke. Just like the firewall, and how computer illiterate I am.
But then, I'm not gonna judge you and stuff. Everyone has their good and bad days, and probably something already happened earlier and it pissed you off.
But really, are you gonna ignore me like this everyday? I know you might hate me, and I know you might think its all my fault, but im sorry. Then again, its totally up to you if you wanna accept my apology or not. Your choice.
Oh, and another thing. I didn't back stab you. Honestly. I did not. I don't know why you said that I did. To be honest, your friends are the ones who call you an airhead. Really. I tell them that I still can't let go, and I still miss you, and they tell me to let go of you cause you are an airhead. When people ask me about you, or us. I tell them that you are a real nice guy, and I still love you. And they ask me, "why don't you hate your ex? I hate mine". Actually, it was just Sunday night when I was telling a friend that I missed you, and that you were/are awesomely cute and kind. And that you left not because of an argument or because you found someone else, but we ended only out of obeying your parents. But sometimes, I wonder if we really were over, I mean, we never really ended it. I guess it was like some mutal understanding, and somehow, we just grew apart. But wtf, I still love you. And I hate you. But i don't know what to feel anymore, I'll admit, I've tried to hate you. I couldn't. No matter how hard I tried.
Gahh. Penguin. Im probably just some mentally screwed up person. With disorders. And problems. And sometimes, I wish I died, even before being born, like the doctor said I would.
Whytf, do I bother writing this out? Part if me imagines you understanding me and accepting my apology, but part of me feels that if I had written this on paper, you would probably have trashed it.
Im really sorry. I never meant to hurt you. I'm sorry. :'(
You were probably right. You don't deserve crap. No one deserves crap, babe. But everyone gets it. They just react to it differently. I don't deserve crap too. But I get loads of it at home. You've got parents that love you and give you the things you need and want. I've got parents don't don't give me what I need, and want. All they do is nag. Literally. I live a life where I need permission to eat ice-cream and instant noodles, a life where I need permission to turn on the computer, a life where I have a big flat screen TV, but I don't get to turn it on, at all. That sucks. A lot. I never get a chance to talk to them. It always ends up in nagging. Or insulting. I'm sure your mom doesn't tell you that one day your gonna have a miscarriage because your so skinny and ugly. Or that because you don't eat, you're gonna get cancer one day. I just hate life. Its so controlled. And full of shit. And hurt.
So yeah, probably, in some way, your life might suck too. But don't take it out on me. I mean, I'm not saying I'm innocent. I might have unknowingly said something that triggered something in some part of you. But then again, yelling at me is better than punching walls. And I did at one point told you that I'd be your ' cushion ' and you could take out your anger on me. But its scary. To see you like that.
Oh weell, sorry for writing this unnecessary shit.
Sorry. For everything.
ily. And I'm trying to let go.
Sorry.
PS: If He wills it.
PPS: He probably has a reason for putting you and me through this.
PPPS: He loves you.
PPPPS: I'm don't hate you. And I'm not angry at you, not anymore. And I forgive you.
PPPPPS: I hope you don't hate or get angry at me for writing all this.
PPPPPPS: :)
